My writer’s block for this site is fueled by two things:
- My sincere belief that I do not have answers for anyone but myself.
- My perfectionism.
So, if you agree to put on your “Your Mileage May Vary” and “Perfection is the Enemy of the Good” filters, you may read today’s post.
Is there anything else going on aside from COVID-19? Not from my vantage point. Many states have released shelter-in-place orders – Pennsylvania, where I reside, has locked down only the counties that have been hardest hit, as of this moment. I live in one of those counties, but my family started sheltering in place last week, as we have a toddler and I have asthma. I have been working from home since March 13, which is a privilege and I am so grateful for it.
I am feeling many things all at once. I am scared for my child. I am incredibly present, and then I am binge eating Little Debbie snack cakes and obsessively playing games on my phone. I am laughing about a potential future wherein I am wiping my ass with coffee filters and holding my partner tight at night, grateful that he goes out to get our supplies when we need them, hoping that his usually-stellar immune system will continue to work in his favor.
My practices are sustaining me. I am meditating at least once a day for at least 15 minutes (using the Oak app). I am feeding my backyard birds and watching them, sometimes considering them omens – grackles just began showing up, and I take that as a good sign. I am pulling tarot cards and runes and letting them guide me. I am talking with my friends and my coven, sinking into good books and ridiculous TV shows. I am attempting to let go of what was and sit with what is truly very apparent right now: I control very little. In light of that truth, I want to figure out what I can give, and how I can let go and let the gifts move through me.
How are you holding up? What practices are sustaining you?
I’m also feeding birds, including hummingbirds. I think for now I’m past the binge eating – good thing as the larders can’t sustain that! We’ve been self isolated since March 1st – keeping very vulnerable husband home at all times. We Netflix and take naps when tired. I’m cataloging the home library. We read when not to nerve racked. Also working outside on building project as weather allows. I remember, daily, that hagalaz – the tune of hard times, hard choices, and the hard way IS the tune of this house. The cats beg for petting, the crows call in the yard. We answer and continue.