I just want to check in with the folks that are concerned about me during this time of great stress. For those of you not in the know, my mother is very ill and my family is moving and we have had unemployment woes – all in January-February.
I am feeling steel-spined. As someone once said to me, I am like the Game of Thrones quote, “Beneath the gold, the bitter steel.” There is quite the spine in there, folks – I promise you that.
But to be real: to support the weight of that spine, I have needs, and those needs are for rest and quiet. I need to be rested so I don’t get sick – that is something that happens to me when I am very stressed. And I need to be quiet so I can hear what my Godself is telling me – because let’s face it, there’s a lot of talk swirling around about what “should” be done, and I need to hear the Voice that I trust most in the world. That voice requires a fair bit of silence.
So, if you want to support me and love me? Let me know that you care without asking me to respond back. Send a text that says “Thinking about you, no need to respond” or “Loving you, no need to respond”. Or an email. Or a Harry Potter owl. Or a funny card. All of those are welcome 🙂
And if you want to do something else? Please feel free to do it, whatever that “it” is – I will let you know if I am on board, or if I am too tired, or if I am not in the right place for the gesture. Many have said things like “Just tell me what you need” and I know that comes from a loving place, I really do – but I then feel that I have to extend effort to manage how someone else wants to help me…and that feels exhausting right now.
And please know that I am feeling very loved, and know that I am bumbling through this as best I can, and that means that I am being my introverted self and hiding in my cave and doing the bare minimum to keep the wheels turning…and that I am truly ok with that. It is right and proper for this situation, for this time of the year, for this time in my life.
Image: The Garden of Adonis – Amoretta and Time – 1887 – John D. Batten