|Some rights reserved by _twig|
Synonyms: bending, crazy, curled, curling, curved, curving, curvy, devious, serpentine, sinuous, tortuous, twisted, twisting, winding, windy
And I’ve got
No illusions about you
And guess what?
I never did
And when I said
When I said I’ll take it
I meant as is
~Ani DiFranco, As Is
Like most young girls of my generation, I read Judy Blume’s book Deenie when I was in middle school. The story was simple- a teenage girl wants to become a model but finds out she has scoliosis. Angst ensues. Girl finds solace in friendship and inner fortitude. The end.
I never had aspirations to model- I was an overweight child, and that set the bar pretty low when it came to desiring certain physical outcomes- but I did worry about getting scoliosis after reading that book. I remember worrying every time I went through the annual spine checkup at my middle school – would this be the time that they would find a curve, or would I get to be the fat girl that was still reasonably normal?
Long story short: I lost weight after freshman year and was simultaneously diagnosed with moderate thoracolumbar scoliosis. The world did not end, though it felt like it might. I am still here, twisted and tortuous, serpentine and sinuous. I am not straight (there are many definitions for “straight” in Merriam Webster’s online dictionary- my personal favorite is “exhibiting no deviation from what is established or accepted as usual, normal, or proper”). From my very bones, I am something…different. I deviate.
I have learned to deal with being crooked. I have learned to deal with chronic pain and leg length difference and the tendency for my left pant leg to drag a little and thus get more wet than my right pant leg when it rains. I have learned that the sexiness of high heels needs to be saved for rare occasions and that I can’t just lay any way I would like when I sleep. I have learned that chiropractic is great for pain management and yoga should really be done every day.
Today, I am in a lot of pain. Today, I know that I really can’t keep skipping yoga and daily stretching. Scoliosis reminds me that I have to take care of myself, that I have to pay attention when my body speaks, lest it speak more loudly, more insistently. It’s an interesting gift, being crooked. I can’t check out- navigating curves requires that I remain present. I have to listen carefully to my body. This awareness is a gift, one I am not always ready to receive. I may have learned to deal with my body, but I am still learning to love it.
I am still learning that life is beautiful as is.
And YOU are at the center of your life.
I'm not sure what that comment means…can you elaborate?
I'm referring to the last line of the post.
Aww! Thank you, hon 🙂
I like this post a lot.