Avoidance and Meaning

I just finished my first read-through of the Diana’s Grove Mystery School Pisces packet, and I can’t get these lines out of my head:

“Just do the work that is before you to do, ” she said. “When is your search for meaning simply avoidance? When is your search for a calling a way to ignore the prayer that stands before you?”

Wow. That hit me, hard. I can think of so many times when I want to look past what is right in front of me, what I can make right in front of me, in search of a calling, a “greater” thing, “more meaningful” work. I think of all the times that I rush through the day-to-day interactions, trying to get them out of the way so that I can….what? Wait on a revelation? Search for something I don’t have that I need, I must have, to make a difference? Yes, probably, certainly- I have done that. I continue to do it. I have ignored the prayer of my days, the prayer of the moments of my life. In longing for an excellent moment, I miss out on the chance to make my moments excellent.

I feel called to focus- on my moments, on each step, each dish I wash, each piece of laundry I fold, each conversation I have. I want to make each moment sacred, each small task and process a testament to my devotion to the song of life (can you hear my Virgo Moon speaking to you?). And yet, I know at times I spin away into searching for more- a larger role, a grand place where I am handed my own meaning (that’s my Leo Sun). When I am truthful with myself, I know that that moment of brilliance may never come. I know and yet I still succumb to the dream. I have a 12th house.

The question that has been helpful to me is not “How do I stop avoiding?” but “How can I notice that I’m avoiding?” I don’t have the whole answer…but I know that, for me, it lies on a path that starts with listening to my breath, noticing my behavior patterns, questioning my stories, and as the bartender in the packet says, doing the work of not looking away. Yikes.